So I was reading a blurb on DoubleViking about a Top Ten Practical Superpowers and I felt inspired to do a “10 of the lamest superpowers ever” list.
10 of the Lamest Superpowers Ever
Quill (porcupine guy from X-Men)
So this guy has quills come out of his skin?! Talk about a killer power. In the X-Men 3 movie, the only way he can hurt someone is if he hugs them, then sticks sticks them with his “3 inch quills of death”. LAME.
Angel (From X-Men, before he became Archangel)
His power is the ability use his 8 foot wings and fly. I guarantee that any other person with superpowers (that isn’t on this list) could take this guy.
Jubliee
Jubilee can create explosive flashes of light and kinetic energy. In layman’s terms, she shoots firecrackers from her hands. It’s the equivalent of me walking around with roman candles, pointing them at people.
Mati (Heart Kid from Captain Planet)
Where to start with this kid…I guess we’ll go with the fact that his ring makes an awful farting noise. Sure it’d be cool to control animals, but any other power could pretty much take an animal. Plus I’m 84% sure he was gay. Somehow that affects his power in my mind…
Aquaman
While I am not totally familiar with Aquaman, my understanding is that he reigns supreme in the ocean. He can communicate and control underwater animals. I guess that is cool if you are ever in any underwater battles. Unfortunately, I have never seen a fight take place under water. Verdict: LAME.
Robin - Boy Wonder
I was hesitant to include him in a “superpower” list. I discussed it with a colleague who told me that his powers consists of killer acrobatics and witty one-liners. It would be a killer match up to see Robin Boy Wonder face off against Quill.
Wonder Woman
Another character that I vaguely understand. She flies an invisible plane and has a lasso of truth. I’m sure there is more to her, but a lasso of truth? I’m sold. Greatest superpower (or weapon I guess) ever.
Marrow (X-Men)
So this girl grows extra bones which break through her skin so she can break them off and use as weapons. Hell, I can snap my arm off and club someone over the head with it, but I wouldn’t consider that a superpower.
Dazzler
Dazzler has the ability to convert sound energy into light energy. Wow, sound energy into light energy?! Noooo way! Take that new Fallout Boy album use it to power a light bulb because let’s be honest…that’s all their music is worth anymore.
Captain Planet
This was a tough one mainly because Cap’t. Planet has some OK superpowers. I put him on the list mainly because of his weaknesses. If Captain Planet is exposed to toxic wastes, smog, acid rain and other pollutants, his powers are temporarily weakened, and he must return to the Earth to “recharge.” Cap’t. Planets mortal enemy SMOG. NOOOOOO!!!!! Not to mention the fact that it takes 5 kids to summon him.
So there you have it. Some of the lamest superpowers known to man. Who’d I miss?
Check Out:
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I always thought Beast from Xmen was incredibly lame. Being smart and being incredibly easy to identify aren’t the type of powers that impress me… Anybody watch Heroes? What about the guy that could melt metal objects in molten slag, that’ll come in handy!!! I might attach a qualifier to Angel also since he does become ArchAngel–who is undeniably badass.
By the way I hope this is eventually followed up with a list of the coolest powers.
yeh i watch heroes and that power can come in usfull but so can teleknieses that sylar’s got that some awsome power to rip people head of with awsome!!!!!!!!!
i always thought that being able to fly would be a good idea but the wings have to go lol
!!!!!!!!
I personally think that Captain Planet is a gay pedophile…he cares way to much about cleanliness, his outfit leaves little to the imagination, and it takes five kids and the rings he gave them to make him “come.” Gross.
And Phil takes it to the next level =P
Oh Clarence, you’re stepping on a hornet’s nest my friend. Once you start making lists like the one above you step into fanboy territory.
As a fervent comic reader, I am impressed with some of your pulls i.e. Marrow & Dazzler. Truly C-Level superheroes that are of no importance to their respective universes.
I agree with Aquaman, he’s lame. He can talk to fish and swim really fast but at the end of the day where does that get you? However in regards to Wonder Woman I find your observations erroneous …
From Wikipedia:
Diana possesses a host of superhuman powers granted to her by the gods and goddesses of Olympus, gifts which have been stated to be equal to their own abilities.[6] Primary among these are superhuman strength and stamina, which she draws from a mystical link to the Earth itself granted by Demeter.
Diana is one of the strongest superheroes in the DC Universe. Her stamina affords her an incredible degree of resistance to blunt force trauma.
She totally kicks ass.
Why is wonder woman seemingly cast as “Captainess America” if she primarily linked to Greek Gods? Also, does her stamina extend into the sack? Or would she just lay there like a lot of women? (Intentionally trying to incense the wrath of the female readers)
And your super power? Super bad spelling & grammar.
> I have never scene a fight take place under water.
Seen, not scene
> that’s all there music is worth anymore
Their, not there.
Use spell check.
yea dude. it keeps english teachers at bay. bad grammer and piss poor spelling is what I do best. thanks for your comment!
Where is the credit for this post? Even though I am outside contractor, I get no dap.
Abilities of wonder woman
Superhuman strength, speed, stamina, durability, hearing and vision
Flight
Superior hand-to-hand and weapons combat skills
Animal empathy
Regeneration
Resistance to magic
Immunity to illusions and mind control
Ability to decipher truth
Access to magical weaponry.
oh yeah and there are 3 diff robins pick one.
You forgot the most powerful of all, Jazz. His power is, I kid you not, to be blue.
Ya know the first one, Quill, was based off of Spike from X-Men Evolution and Spike actually kicked butt. Grew spikes and tossed em at people, created cages out of them and then when he evolved he kinda had his own armor made from them and thus made him tougher to beat in some ways. Wonder Woman shouldn’t even be here, honestly, you want to replace her? Put Hawkgirl in her place. Don’t really think Robin, or any Robin, should be here seeing as to how they don’t have any superpowers whatsoever. You wanna replace him? Put Daredevil, Elektra, Black Panther, Beast, or Multiple Man or hell just pick up a comic book and scan it for someone using the lamest powers. Everyone else deserves to be here, Jubilee, ugh, no idea what Marvel was thinking when they decided to give her character some popularity. I’m not touching Captain Planet because I remember watching him when I was a kid and thought he was the baddest mofo on the Earth.
Spyke in XME is based on Marrow, he just uses spikes instead of bones. The fact that they used him instead of her annoyed die-hards to no end. And the character himself annoyed most fans to no end.
If you’ve seen X3, then maybe you remember the fight scene in the woods between Wolverine and that guy who was shooting spikes out of his body. Well, guess what? That guy was credited as “Spike”.
In the regular comic books, there is a character named Quill. Granted, he can’t retract his quills, I still figure he’s based off him. (Though for some reason the character is called as “Kid Omega” in the credits.)