Why I’m called the no-standards puke machine

After partaking in some ramadan festivities I decided to drive to Penn State.

THURSDAY: Shortly after arriving I get drunk, luckily for nancy this was not the only time. So me shug and fuckin steve head over to Pika. We passed Daniel “D-bag” Cohen on the way who was patiently waiting for a “soristitute”, (prostitute+sorority girl) I really have no idea wtf it is… Anyway three typical ass grabbing no talent ass clown frat brothers give us the tenth degree and refuse to let us come in so I have to call Tad Macfarlan (his balls were safely tucked away in his underpants this time). Oh yeah, and dropping Dan’s middle name Herbert didn’t help us get in. I think his middle name is actually Harrison. Who gives a fuck. So we chill there for a little while and Shug leaves to go back to gc40 leaving me to deal with the mess that was Steve. Apparently despite me holding her hand on the way home she decided to investigate a stairwell by herself. She proceeds to “inspect” the structural integrity of said stairwell by puking all over herself. She somehow makes it back (I think I found her?). Guess we shoulda had dick drive us back…I made one drunk phone call this night to a one Jocelyn Sumara, yeah don’t know where that one came from…

FRIDAY: Nothing to mention until me and shug decide to walk to the other side of the universe for a girl from work party. That should have alerted us right there but we forged ahead. There’s a total of 10 people there to split two kegs. Amateur party throwing really. Then Nancy, “a rubenesque” African American girl decides to hit on me. The other day I was actually wondering if black girls are attracted to white guys so obviously God decided to answer the question for me. Just wish I had been sober. That God, always pullin pranks on my ass. I don’t even really remember giving her my number but we got the hell out of there. After everyone decides to hit the sack and I’m left to drink by myself (also a reoccurring theme) Nancy calls me. I go meet up with her and bring her back. We make out and then a smashed Anne Siegfried comes back with her two buddies. We move into the bathroom. Long story short she decides to say bye by giving me a terrible blowjob, didn’t know they existed. Her jean jacket is still at gc40 leaving the door open for a potential second visit, in which case I hope all cocks are safely guarded.

SATURDAY: We do a little tailgating (the highlight was Cindy Colburn pouring some of her own beer into my cup), and I walk 9 miles back to their apt. We get two kegs and 3 1.5 liter vladi’s for the costume party on Saturday night. The night goes well for the most part. Some douches didn’t have costumes and we went through the jungle juice ridiculously quickly but that’s ok. Heff was real funny. Sporting a large black afro and a hell of a get up he entertains everyone thoroughly. Apparently he also took charge in breaking up the party by abruptly turning off the music and screaming “keg’s kicked!” I wasn’t there to witness it because Dong wanted to satisfy his insatiable appetite for Macdonald’s. Btw I was Steve Irwin. I fastened my little croc buddy to my belt and used him as a dildo for most of the night. And I had a clear opportunity to make up for Rubben Studdart with a hot blonde named A.H. As you expect I shit the bed because she wasn’t ugly/black. There was also some miss piggy girl who was cute but I didn’t pull that off either. Bitch hooked up with some hot girl though. Don’t worry Shug gave plenty of shit to the girl who promptly left. Highlights of the night include the ambiguously gay duo (starring kater and lex), karen almost dying, the horny cow girl who kept stealing parts of other peoples outfits, kim aubrey?, forgetting who Heff’s gf was, and dick. I sure do love dick.

SUNDAY: Definetly woke up drunk. Then made the startling discovery that neither keg was completely kicked. Looks like I’m not gettin home today! Watched a lot of football including the worst game ever played between the browns and the texans. Then we start watchin the Eagles…UGH. I’m not gonna talk about it but I’m just baffled by them right now… Bills also shit the bed against the heroic and still mediocre Tedi Bruschi and the pats. Everyone goes to bed at which point I decide to try to kick the keg myself. I remembered to drunk dial Melissa “the 9 year old ninja” Badding this night. Supposedly I just rambled on for a while so its not worth putting on this site for 50+ people to download again… I have no idea what I was doing but I didn’t go to bed till 5:30. Ed said I was being real loud too. Fuck his mother. Finally got my shit together and left on Monday. Awful car ride.

MISC: Hope at least one or two decent pics come out of those 4 ricockulous days. I met DeVon, aka Shug’s fuck buddy. Nice lady! Can’t wait to see her again so I can dish out a heaping pile of shit, that means I like ya! Right Shug??? Unfortunately I didn’t pee, puke, or shit on anyone this weekend. I’m sure I’ll make up for this below average outting though. Oh yeahhhh, and Adler one upped me by finding a black girl “who may or may not have been fat” and likes to have sex in bushes, but not in apartments. Oh fuck yeah.

Smith, Jared, Ed. There I fuckin mentioned ya.

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DONNY at PSU

Douglas Caldwell recently visited PSU for a very long weekend… four nights to be exact. During those four magical nights, Donny had quite a bit of fun. I don’t want to go into too many details…not until donny has had the chance to speak for himself. I will be giving Donny the chance to post his own narration before I spill the beans. Having said that, I hope, for everyone’s sake, that Donny posts soon and includes every intimate detail he can remember. Donny, make me proud. And Nancy. Make her proud too. The time is ticking Daynald. Expose yourself…and possibly Adler, because he had a ridiculous weekend as well. Peace out chillen

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Manbaby Halloween costume

Alrighty well like I said, I found my costume for this halloween…The ManBaby. Rishi and a few others at pitt have been calling me the manbaby for a long time now. I guess it’s because I used to watch Even Stevens and read Harry Potter amongst other immature things. Anyway, I figured I would feed their need to see the true manbaby this halloween. It should be a good laugh. The costume is a lil tight, but that’s ok I guess.

I’m pretty sure halloween is my 2nd favorite holiday (christmas is number one). Usually, I pimp out BpBc to fit the holiday, but not that i’m a high roller with 80+ hits a day, that just wouldn’t be professional. Maybe for xmas i’ll do something crazy. ::pushes up invisible glasses::

Oh! Ira hooked me up with this site that makes this sweet ass lense that allows you to see through people’s clothing. I have to see if it fits my camera…wait, nevermind. I just checked and it’s 180 for the lense. No tatties are worth 180 bucks. period.

OK I’m out. Better updates when better crap happens. Boooorrriiinnggg. Yo more people should post some ish on here… ::cough:: shug ::cough::

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The F is a marauder anyway?

Sooo this weekend started with steve and myself driving out to millersvile (home of the marauder) to visit malen. In case you didn’t know, a marauder is a “land pirate” haha. Nice mascot. Anyway, it was a good drunken time, but it rendered me useless for the rest of saturday.

Got a few drunk dials over the weekend, so i’ll upload them sometime tomorrow. Actually, I don’t feel like writing anymore so ill leave you with this video. Oh! I got my costume today. It’s pretty solid. Stay tuned, a better update manana

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Frustrated with sexual performance spam

Ugh. Everyday I wake up and my inbox is full of spam. I just started getting bombarded a few days ago and I know I didn’t submit my email address out to any websites, so I dunno how advertisers got ahold of it. More importantly, how do they know I need help with my sexual performance. God damn Lenard somehow knows I could use some Soft Cialis to “extend my night”. Only a few girls should really know that, not these advertisers. Take a look below to see the freaking emails I get from the time I go to sleep to when I wake up….UGH!

Anyway, I watched Sahara last night. Chalk up another horrible movie. I’m amazed they even put these craptastic things into production. Freaking Hollywood, stop wasting my time. Tonight i’ll check out “Crash”. I’ve heard good things so we’ll see.

Less than a month until the new Harry Potter movie comes out.

Fuckin-A man, I can’t wait.

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Lacey Chabert is So Fetch

I was passing the time, checking my daily sites and I saw some pics of lacey chabert over at Don’t Link This and well, wow. All I can say is that the dude that runs dontlinkthis, justin, has very similiar taste in women as I do, at least with the popular ones. Anyway, click the image for some lace-ilicious pics.

We have some new header images up top courtesy of the gopher over at RedGopher. I like them much better than the photoshop crap I had on here. Plus Cuthbert (sp?) is smokinggg as is Jessica Alba. Hopefully he’ll kick out some more for us .

One more thing real quick -> The new MEST album is tight. If you want to check it out let me know and I can point you in the right direction. It’s alot different than there older stuff, more mature and what not. Since I know none of you care, I won’t go into a full blown review.

That is all. pa pa peace.

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Nuclear madness

Yeah so I would post up some of my thoughts to convince people I am in fact a real person and not a character in some fucked up sitcom. Speaking of which I’m a big fan of Curb Your Enthusiasm. I remember the first time I saw it I was a little taken aback by the extreme form of Seinfeld humor but now I love it. It just pushes the envelope in ways Seinfeld couldn’t even touch.

Anyway I was up late writing my paper on my President Truman was a douchebag for dropping the atomic bomb on Japan. For a while I actually had a sentence included in the essay that went like this: “Faced with a watershed moment in history, Truman shit the bed.” I really wanted to keep it in there but I caved…

So nobody else watched Nip/Tuck? I f-ing love that shit. Ending was so awesome tonight. Basically one of the main characters, a plastic surgeon named dr. troy, was accused of murdering this dyke (and being a serial slasher/murderer called the carver). The whole episode was about how even the guys closest friends started to actually suspect him of the crime. So the accused (and innocent) guy uses his one phone call to leak the story of him being accused. He figures that the real murderer will not want someone else taking credit for his work. So the last scene of the episode is the newest victim of the carver sitting in his office (he was released because the d.a. dropped the charges after hearing about the new carver victim). So the camera pans around to show you the person waiting to see dr. troy is the detective that was riding the shit out of the accused guy the entire episode. She was treating him like shit the entire episode, insisting that violence was in his genes and shit. The line every episode begins on and this one ends on is “So what don’t you like about yourself?” Ehh ehh, good shit huh?

Don’t worry I’ll pull some shit this weekend and make a post/voicemessage/collage out of it.

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