Portions for Foxes

wooo haaaa. I’m back bitches. Well I was never really gone, just lazy and didn’t feel like writing anything. I’ve been a little busy working on a new business plan which I think is going to make enough for me to maybe leave my job in a few months and do it full time. I also got into this online “paid to surf” thanks to dif and jackman. So far I made 40 bucks in 2 days…not too shabby. If you want to know more about it, send me an IM and i’ll hook you up.

So let’s seeeee. Christmas was the balls. I got to see family and crap, you know…the usual. I got a few gifts, but I knew what most of them were going to be so no real suprises. Except for the gift my dad gave me, which blindsided me. He got me a sirius satellite radio receiver so I can listen to stern still. HAHA, it was quite the suprise.

So Kerv and Malen moved back home and Jon is in over break which means I’ve been drinking more than per usual the past weekend. Friday night we went to the hulmeville inn and there were a shit ton of kids I graduated with…more than usual. Unfortunately it was a pure slopfest for me and I didn’t really talk to any of them. Apparently Evan Jonekeit (sp?) is going to be in the new Rocky Movie? That’s all I carried away from the night…that and a hefty hangover.

New years eve should be a good time. We are throwing a ripper at steve’s place. Couple kegs, some bitches…you know how we do. Then I plan spending the next week working from home, maybe doing a bit of snowboarding. Hopefully the following week I will be in North Carolina on my next project. Who knows.

Oh real quick… I saw this movie called “mysterious skin” . It was real screwed up, but pretty good. I’m starting to get into indie movies a lot lately. Also, the new Mates of State cd is stellar. Check it out if you get a chance.

That’s all I got for now. See ya kids

Check Out:

The ORAL Question?

We live in a society that returns favors. If Billy gets you a Christmas present, then you get Billy one too. If you get a wedding present you send them a thank you card. If Suzy pays for your ice cream you say thank you. But, why is it that when it comes to oral sex the rules of “giving back” seem to change? One would think that if a guy goes down to the stinky clam, the girl would return the favor and taste the North Pole. This seems to not be the case in many situations. Guys are horny all the time. Most of us real men, never mind going down under. However, there are some females out there that think they can pick and choose when they do or don’t go down on us. Horseshit! Eating out a pussy is sooo much more “nastier,” if you will. It’s a slimy orifice that oozes shit all over you that if not washed off in a timely fashion will itch like a bitch. And the wiener is just like sucking on a piece of fruit or something, delicious ladies! So, why the controversy? If you know your not going to return the favor, save us the trouble and tell us before hand. But, you won’t do that because most girls are greedy! Yea I said it! I know there are a few of you out there that are champions of the sport. This rant is not directed towards you, we love you dearly. So Ladies, I tell you, you must start orally pleasure us too and don’t forget…mind those damn step children!

Check Out:

Graber is too cool for titles

I went snowboarding today at Tussey, a mountain about 10 minutes down the road from campus. It was so much fun. I’m getting better so maybe I will be able to do some real trails in Tremblant. Anyway, that’s not what this entry is about. Afterwards, Casey and I decided to stop in Pizza Hut and grab a fancy, yet low class dinner. Personal pan pizzas and breadsticks! smiley face. And this is where I get to the point of the entry. We were reminiscing about the days of old, when you could read 20 books and get a free personal pan pizza. Book It was the name of this fine program. I remember I had so many stars up on the bulletin board in 3rd grade. It got to the point where I was out of “real books” in my house that I moved on to picture books that were about 10 pages long. I changed the name of a Sesame Street book called “Ernie Gets Lost” to Maria Gets Lost. It was so pathetic. I just really needed to get 20 more books, and after that I had to get 20 more. I needed that trip to Pizza Hut with mom and dad to get that personal pan pizza. It was like the academic nerd’s crack. Believe it or not, I was quite the academically inclined schoolgirl back in the day. Anyway, I just would like to say I think they should still have Book It for kids in college. Food is more of an incentive when you’re in college anyway, because we’re so broke all the time and would rather buy a 12 pack than grab a dinner somewhere. Plus, even if we have food we’re too lazy to make it anyway most of the time. When you’re a kid food isn’t really an issue; you always can get some. Therefore, I think all college kids should join together and rally to implement the Book It program for those of us who have gone on to further their education. The end.

Check Out:

A Mid-Winter’s Night of Drunken ‘Phases’

Phase 1 – “Buzzin’ with a Smile�
Phase 2 – “Philosophical�
Phase 3 – “Shot! On Me!�
Phase 4 – “Hey there pretty (fat) lady�
Phase 5 – “……..�

This past Friday was a night where I decided that a night of drinking needed to occur A.S.A.P.! My boy Chris calls me at 8:30 p.m. and informs me that he stole the biggest bottle of Grey Goose he has ever seen from a hotel room (Chris cleans hotel rooms…straight up nasty!) So, we decide to go to his apt. and start killing this bottle before we go to Hemingway’s later.

At Chris’s apt. we went through the first 2 Phases of Drunkenness. Watching Scarface and drinking Grey Goose on the rocks…doesn’t get much better than that. The buzz kicks in quick, the smiles come and we start talking like Tony Montana, “Are you fuckin’ lookin’ at me? Huh cocksuka?â€? haha…goodtimes. The buzz quickly turns into the Philosophical Phase…

I say to Chris, “Hey, when Tony says, ‘I got two things in this world, my balls and my word, and I don’t break them for nobody.’ he’s gotta be right man, cause I’m talking to you right now (words), while I’m holding my sack (balls).� – A cheer of laughter fills the room. “Tony’s right man!� After 1 ½ hours of Grey Goose we hit up Hemingway’s.

I walk in, order 4 Heineken’s (2 each), “Oh and bartender two shots, your choice, it’s on me!� Of course it’s on me!, I’m such a douchebag. By now, the shots and the Heiny’s are flowing like the salmon of Capistrano. Playing 8 min. Metallica and Beatles songs on the jukebox just merely to piss people off. Then, all of a sudden, I see her. A fat chick I was in class with, so what does one do in this situation? Buy her a shot!

I had enough sense to halt any sexual favors with the Goodyear Blimp but I have now reached the Phase of “…….� I need to go home! Home is just a short bus ride home right? But not short enough when you have reached Phase 5! When I left Hemingway’s, I had the urge to piss, so instead of going back in the bar, I piss on the side of the Pitt Union, great choice! I pissed on the door handle, cause why not? Nothing like giving somebody a good pair of Urine hands in the morning, ey gabla? I couldn’t read what bus was what, so I get on the first bus….well, wrong fucking bus! I decided to ride this out cause it was so damn cold I needed to thaw out. I get off in East Liberty (One of Pittsburgh’s finest ghetto’s) and walk home to Shadyside, about a mile walk. Takes me an damn hour to stumble home in 17 degree weather. Will this Friday be as good?…we’ll see

Check Out:

Drunk Voicemails part deux

Ok so it seems every weekend I get a drunk voicemail from my brother usually revolving around penn state and their fluke season. I’ve saved these calls and got around to uploading them to BigPlansBigCrash today. Sooo here they are. You’ll notice the “Penn State” / “Fuck you” theme that is what each one is about.

Voicemail 1
Voicemail 2
Voicemail 3
Voicemail 4
Voicemail 5
Voicemail 6

Thats right, 6 of them.

Check Out:

The Elisha Theory

WARNING: The following is not a drunken tale of college debauchery, although I’ve had more than my share. There is no profanity in the following post, but rest assured I swear a lot. I swear. This is not a recap of my weekend, weekday, or five hours ago, although I’ve had a fuckin’ great past five hours. I’m not drunk, high, or feeling somewhat emo.

But hopefully you’ll enjoy what you’re about to read.

“The Elisha Theory”

Consider Emile Hirsch, the actor who played the lead role of “Matthew Kidman” in “The Girl Next Door”, opposite Elisha Cuthbert.

He fell in love.

And no, I’m not talking about the plot of the movie.

It happened in real life. I’m sure of it.

After much debate between me and my roommate, I have come up with a theory. It’s called the Elisha Theory, named after the actress who first brought it to my attention.

The Elisha Theory can be properly defined as:

Read The Rest >>

Check Out: