Being the “Office” fan that I am, I often envy the situation of Jim Halpert. He has two, seemingly cool chicas, swooning for a piece of him. The best part is that Jim is just a “regular guy” and still gets the girl(s). It gives us all hope.
Anyway, he has this new character, Karen, eating out of the palm of his hand and he has Pam scratching at the door. I like his moves, although I am not sure who I would go with…
So I decided to break down the two women using my patented “desirability decision matrix”. Keep in mind, I put all of my woman through this matrix to see how they measure up. Anyone who scores less than a 90%, get’s kicked to the curb.
So it has been 2 weeks since I left Deloitte and the biggest thing I have learned so far (besides all kinds of pretzel making stuff) is that senior citizens own the daytime and there is nothing you can do about it.
Until recently, I never really noticed their presence. If you try to go ANYWHERE during the day, you need to give yourself an extra 15 or 20 minutes to account for what I call the “35 mile per hour rule”, which basically says that once a person turns 60-ish, the speed limit on every road they travel magically changes to 35 mph. At least it seems that way. It frustrates the hell out of me getting stuck behind a “F.O.P” (F-ing Old Person) who is doing 35 mph on a 50 mph road. I’m sure many of you share my frustration.
Not to mention all of the God damn “Rascal Scooter” and “Health Insurace (with the fat guy)” commericals I’ve had to sit through while watching The Price is Right. That shit is annoying.
Old people are slow and this causes everyone else to be slow too because they are constantly waiting. I propose we move all the old people in the US to a few midwestern states where they can all be sluggish and slow together.
Anyone else feeling that?
Sure, when I am old I am going to be slow - that’s a given. But I am going to be intentionally slower than normal. I am talking 15 miles per hour instead of 35. I am going to enjoy every second of causing younger people frustration and being an general asshole. I figure, hell, if I have to put up with this crap now, I am going to make it 10 times harder for young people to deal with down the road. Muahahaha.
Oh and Diurnal is the opposite of Nocturnal. I had to look that one up no doubt.
In the shower this morning I started to reminisce about how good it was to be a 90’s kid. We were able to see Green Day, Jenna Jameson, and Marky Mark start their careers. We saw the Phillies make not only the playoffs, but a world series. That may not happen again any time soon. We saw MTV change from a station that actually played music videos to a paper bag filled with sheep shit. Every boy wanted to be Zack Morris and every girl wanted to be his Kelly Kapowski. Ahhh those were the years.
Looking back, what I miss most were the killer dance moves that were enjoyed by all, but never made it past the 90’s. Now I am not a good dancer by any stretch of the imagination, but when I see some of these moves I feel like I could have survived with what I got. Check out these clips to see what I mean (if you see an empty white space, click it…some video players suck):
How about that reverse-step-behind move followed by the side to side leg point. DAMN Slater. (click the empty white space and the video should start playing)
I am not so sure this is so much a 90’s dance deal as it is black people making fun of white people’s inability to dance.
Poor Jaleel White never recovered after that role. Rough.
Jim Carrey in his element
How could I not include the man himself, MC Hammer?
So as you can see, many stellar dance moves were lost from in the transition from the 90’s into the 2000’s. Next time I am out at a club (read never), I will bust out the Slater “reverse step behind” followed by the “side-by-side-leg-point” and maybe even get the place doing The Urkel. Solid.
I am a music snob. I’ll admit it, but I am not as bad as one of those “only indie music is worth listening to” type people. I am picky. I absolutely HATE the shit that is pushed down our throats on the radio, MTV, and other media outlets. Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of bands out there who started out small, paid their dues, and worked their way to MTV / star status. I am OK with that.
I have issues with bands who undeservingly “make it big” way too fast. They are tons of bands like this, but off the top of my head I think of Panic! At The Disco, so I will refer to them. These “artists” don’t put in the same amount of time (and usually effort) as other, more deserving bands.
Instead they kick out a CD designed to appeal to a large teenage audience (catchy hooks, off-beat lyrics, “alternative” look, etc.) and get picked up by a major label who floods this shat-tastic sound all over the TV, Radio and Internet - boom! instant popularity. It’s great that they make it to that level, but not fair to other bands who have been around for YEARS and have way more talent.
It frustrates me to see bands put everything they have into their music and barely get by. I guess that is a true testament that a band is truely about their music and their fans, not so much the money. These are the people who should be rewarded, not bands like P!ATD.
Aqua Teen is hit or miss with most people I know. Either you love it or you can’t stand it. Fortunately for all of you (or maybe its unfortunate), I am a big fan of the show. Here is a quick rundown of what it’s all about (pulled from wikipedia):
The show is about three anthropomorphic fast food items—the Aqua Teen Hunger Force or Aqua Teens—and their life together in southern New Jersey. The Aqua Teens were originally detectives; as the series progressed, however, the crime-solving aspect of the show was quickly abandoned. There is very little continuity between episodes: virtually all of the recurring cast members have died at least once. The focus is instead on character interaction and a pervasive form of brutal, sarcastic, and often surreal humor.
Reoccuring characters include: Master Shake, Frylock, Meatwad and Carl.
If you didn’t already know, I am a huge Steve Carell fan. I first started watching him on the daily show, but once he “broke out” on Anchor Man, it was all over. Everything he does cracks me up. Maybe that’s why I have an unhealthy obsession with The Office (see a killer mashup here).
Anyway, I stumbled across this video of him “surviving the streets” of some inner city ghetto. It’s an offbeat role I guess and kind of funny. It reminds me of one of those “Legends of the Game” commercials on the GAS Channel. Enjoy.
Being the “Office” fan that I am, I often envy the situation of Jim Halpert. He has two, seemingly cool chicas, swooning for a piece of him. The best part is that Jim is just a “regular guy” and still gets the girl(s). It gives us all hope.
