Written by Dan - Tagged with Pictures, Sexy, Funny - 4 Comments
That Guy Picture

I was going through some random girl’s myspace page, as most normal people do, and I stumbled across this picture of some girl and her blonde bombshell friends in Cabo. Hot girls at the beach, nothing new there. But check out the Spanish dude in the back just sipping on his drink, enjoying his fanny pack, staring at the ladies. He knows what’s up. If I were him I’d be doing the same exact thing.

Kinda reminds me of myself at the bar on Friday nights. At my table with beer in hand, oggling all the ladies. The only difference is I choose to leave my fanny pack at home. That’s just distasteful.

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Written by Dan - Tagged with YouTube, Rants - 2 Comments

I am still not sure how I feel about Sarah Silverman. After her appearance on Leno, I thought she was vulgar and not funny. After watching this holiday video I guess she moved up a notch, but still has a long way to go.

Also, a quick rant - Does anyone else find that during the holidays jewish comedians overplay the Hanukkah card? I mean, you don’t see black comedians playing the Kwanza card or Christian comedians (?) playing the christmas card (Maybe you do, but I don’t see it).

Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way a racist, but it seems that jewish comedians fall back on Hanukkah as an easy “bit” when they have nothing better. Nothing against the religion, the holiday, or the people - but my beef is with the comedians who beat a dead Hanukkah horse every year. WE GET IT - you don’t “DO” santa and you get presents for a whole week, not one day, etc. Get some new material, please.

Maybe my hatred for Sarah Silverman as a comedian clounds my mind. Where is a God damn pensive when you need one.

Her clip:

Have a Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas and a Krazy Kwanza everyone.

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Written by Dan - Tagged with Cool Shit - 1 Comment

Global OrgasmSo in case you weren’t aware, tomorrow is Global Orgasm Day. Apparently there is a movement for everyone to orgasm at some point tomorrow, which in turn will affect the planet’s energy or some hippy bullshit like that. I know it sounds ridiculous, but anything that helps me get laid is OK in my book.

Some more info:

WHO? All Men and Women, you and everyone you know.

WHERE? Everywhere in the world, but especially in countries with weapons of mass destruction.

WHEN?
Winter Solstice Day - Friday, December 22nd, at the time of your choosing, in the place of your choosing and with as much privacy as you choose.

WHY? To effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible surge of human energy a Synchronized Global Orgasm. There are two more US fleets heading for the Persian Gulf with anti-submarine equipment that can only be for use against Iran, so the time to change Earth’s energy is NOW!

Global Orgasm Site for more. Who wants to help a good cause with me?

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Written by Dan - Tagged with YouTube, Funny, TV - 2 Comments

There’s no doubt that SNL isn’t what it used to be. The years of Chris Farley and Will Ferrell have passed and the show’s “zest” has faded. I haven’t watched many episodes this season as they rarely appeal to me.

On a leap of faith, I decided to TiVO a few episodes in hopes that the show picked up some new actors and wrote some funny skits. To my suprise, I actually enjoyed the majority of the skits. They have some fresh faces and the skits are generally funnier. Andy Samburg is quickly becoming one of my favorite characters. He’s hilarious.

Anyway, where am I going with this bit? Nowhere, really. If you gave up on Saturday Night Live like I did, maybe you should give it another go. You might be suprised with gems like “Dick In A Box”.

Some SNL Genius:

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Written by Dan - Tagged with Would You Rather? - 4 Comments

This week’s “Would You Rather” is about survival. If you missed last weeks you can read it here: Hippos Vs Wolves

Would Your Rather?

1. Be stranded in the desert with 1 canteen of water. No one is searching for you.
2. Be stranded in the ocean with a bologna sandwich. People are searching for you.

Personally, I would take the ocean and bologna sandwich combo. I think I would be screwed either way, but I’d rather be screwed on water than dry, sweaty land. Lesser of two evils I guess. Plus my last meal could be a bologna sandwich. Solid.

What about you, Ocean or Desert???

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Written by Dan - Tagged with Random - 11 Comments

As another year comes to a close, I usually look back and reflect on the past 12 months. This year, however, I am going to look forward and make some predictions on what probably won’t happen in 2007 (wouldn’t it be nice if they did).

What won’t happen in 2007:

  • 10. Britney Spears will stop flashing her vagina.
  • 9. MTV will start to show actual music videos again.
  • 8. The View will be cancelled.
  • 7. European Football will gain a large following in the US.
  • 6. All nuclear weapons will be destroyed and everyone will live peacefully.
  • 5. Paris Hilton will stop getting undeserved publicity.
  • 4. LOST will start to make sense.
  • 3. Movie ticket prices will drop back to a reasonable 5 dollars.
  • 2. BigPlansBigCrash will grow to thousands of daily readers and I can do it full time.
  • 1. I will date a female who looks like a supermodel or Scarlet Johansson.

If just one of these predictions came true in ‘07, the world would be a better place. Personally, I am pulling for #2 and #1. Who want’s to help? =P

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Written by Dan - Tagged with Funny, Random - 1 Comment

Stumbled across this letter and it made me laugh some. Just spreading the love.

Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA 34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field
of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor
in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen

Source

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