So this past Friday I went down to a bar in Philly. It was a good time, but not really my scene. Anyway, 2 beers into the night I went into the bathroom to take care of business when I was greeted by a fresh-off-the-street bathroom attendant. For those of you that know me, I am a pretty laid back person, but there are certain things that really piss me off and bathroom attendants are on the list.
Here’s why.
5. They often make pointless conversation with you in hopes of making a buck. I know all about bullshitting with people, I do it all day. The last thing I want is to have to deal with another “salesman” while I’m trying to get my pee on.
4. They make an already somewhat awkward situation even worse. If I am in there alone, all I can think about is how I am going to get out of there without tipping the guy. Plus, the fact that he is probably staring at me while I’m peeing. Yea no thanks.
3. They make me want to skip washing my hands so I can avoid the attendant. I’ll try to run out of there so I don’t feel so bad about not giving him a dollar for tearing off a paper towel. Then I have dirty hands AND a guilty conscience.
2. The line of guys in the bathroom (and there always is one) will watch you try to either sneak out without washing your hands or sneak out without tipping. Either way you are an asshole.
1. I am already paying a 5 dollar cover, 9 bucks for a Car Bomb, 4 dollars for a beer plus tips for the bartender. There is no need for me to spend MORE money for some idiot to give me a hand towel.
So yea, I have beef with bathroom attendants. Do women have the same thing in their place of business?
I think Michael Scott said it best in last week’s Ep with, “I thought you want your privacy in there?”
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I feel ya on this one diddy. If the guy wants a tip so badly the least he can do is shake me off. I’d pay for that.
I can understand having attendants in more ritzier locales, the most ridiculous location: Chickie & Pete’s out on the Boulevard. Anyone who has been there knows that facilities are cramped, its reminiscent of that SNL sketch with Harvey Keitel.
My favorite bathroom attendant ever: 350lb black guy in the vet, burning incense and singing Motown tunes during a Phils/Expos 1:35pm game in June at the Vet back in 2000. How could you not tip the guy? He went the extra mile to help you forget the fact that you standing in piss and eating 3 year old hot dogs.
The only place I’ve ever seen a “bathroom attendant” was at the cave. It was a dirty over weight woman with no teeth. Clearly, they probably grabbed her off of philly streets because it was cold. And oh, I agree with you. They’re annoying and make the whole bathroom experience awkward as shit.
I used to know a guy who worked there. His name is Rashawn, but he danced as Raythong.
I live in a part of the world were companies pay their employees decent salaries …so we don’t have to tip. We alos don’t have bathroom attendants. Now I’m sure you want to emigrate.
I’ve traveled to many countries, and the idea of donating a few bucks to keep the bathroom proper for a customer is implemented across the world, and it isn’t a bad one at all.
Here are my reasons why I DO like bathroom attentants:
NO 1: Security. It is proven that the bathroom is the one place in a bar not regularly monitored by the bouncers, and many fights take place simply because a shmuck doesn’t like you for whatever reason and follows you in. That shmuck will be less likely to do anything once they see someone in the bathroom you are in at all times. If anything goes on, the bathroom attendant is likely to call a bouncer for you, who won’t hear you otherwise because of the loud music from the bar/club.
NO 2: Convenience. Maybe you are lucky enough to always have minty breath and not need a piece of gum. Maybe you are healthy enough to not get headaches. But the fact of the matter is that MOST people that frequent bars see these items as of good use. I’ve seen not only gum, mints and cigarretes; but also aspirin, antiacid tablets, lint removers, etc. Things that simply might not feel comfortable in your back pocket, and are nice to come by when you need them.
NO 3: They help keep the bathroom clean. Even if they are not always the ones in charge of scrubbing the toilets, customers behave differently in their presence. Drunks don’t break the mirrors or trash the place because they see someone there watching them, ready to have him kicked out of the club. They help keep those who “enjoy” making a mess in their best behavior.