Its been a super long time since I’ve posted anything anywhere and I’m sorry.
Kinda.
I don’t even have some amazing story to why I was gone. I wasn’t saving starving children or anything. My asthma was acting up and I was laid up sicker than shit. Thanks for the flowers and cards, ya assholes. When I finally stopped feeling like death, my laptop took a crap and I lost a big hunk of what I was working on. Since then I’ve been trying to put together the shattered pieces of my life.
Here are some of the things I’ve learned while being deathly ill:
1. Don’t ever go grocery shopping while on steroids. They make you eat. A lot. I looked into my cart, and there were 4 different kinds of chicken, lucky charms, oatmeal, mashed potatoes and creamed corn. I don’t know either, don’t ask.
2. Your doctor who looks like George Clooney is not impressed when your ass hangs out of your hospital gown. He is less impressed when you ask him if he thinks it’s cute.
3. Lungs are a very important part of breathing.
4. Hospitals are expensive. The reason your butt hangs out of the gown is so it’s easier for them to fuck you in it. True story.
5. When you get back from said hospital, looking like you narrowly escaped with your life, that is the exact time your landlord will start asking you for the money you owe her. (Kill me.)
6. Steriods make you fat.
7. Steroids make you homicidal. For example: When my ex saw how swollen I got off of the meds and said “Wow, you’ve gained weight”, if I had a gun, I woulda shot him. I still might, if I can stop eating and crying long enough.
8. There is an adorable little nurse who is sweet as hell. Theres a really gorgeous male nurse with a great bedside manner. Neither will be yours, you get someone who looks like fat Oprah and couldn’t find a vein with a god damn road map.
9. The aforementioned nurse does not understand your late night adventures to obtain a Snickers bar and will take it away from you.
10.There is nothing on TV. Ever.
11. You aren’t supposed to page a nurse for things like “a beer” or a “morphine drip”.
Pah. They have no sense of fun.
Anyway, Im back. In the mean time check out my friend’s bad ass cartoonything.
It’s NSFW but it’s bad ass.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxBX0Zj_1qs&mode=related&search=
Welcome back!
Anybody else get turned on by that video? Fairy cooter gets me every time.
Its a bad ass video. I hope he remembers me when hes famous.