Phase 1 – “Buzzin’ with a Smile�
Phase 2 – “Philosophical�
Phase 3 – “Shot! On Me!�
Phase 4 – “Hey there pretty (fat) lady�
Phase 5 – “……..�
This past Friday was a night where I decided that a night of drinking needed to occur A.S.A.P.! My boy Chris calls me at 8:30 p.m. and informs me that he stole the biggest bottle of Grey Goose he has ever seen from a hotel room (Chris cleans hotel rooms…straight up nasty!) So, we decide to go to his apt. and start killing this bottle before we go to Hemingway’s later.
At Chris’s apt. we went through the first 2 Phases of Drunkenness. Watching Scarface and drinking Grey Goose on the rocks…doesn’t get much better than that. The buzz kicks in quick, the smiles come and we start talking like Tony Montana, “Are you fuckin’ lookin’ at me? Huh cocksuka?â€? haha…goodtimes. The buzz quickly turns into the Philosophical Phase…
I say to Chris, “Hey, when Tony says, ‘I got two things in this world, my balls and my word, and I don’t break them for nobody.’ he’s gotta be right man, cause I’m talking to you right now (words), while I’m holding my sack (balls).� – A cheer of laughter fills the room. “Tony’s right man!� After 1 ½ hours of Grey Goose we hit up Hemingway’s.
I walk in, order 4 Heineken’s (2 each), “Oh and bartender two shots, your choice, it’s on me!� Of course it’s on me!, I’m such a douchebag. By now, the shots and the Heiny’s are flowing like the salmon of Capistrano. Playing 8 min. Metallica and Beatles songs on the jukebox just merely to piss people off. Then, all of a sudden, I see her. A fat chick I was in class with, so what does one do in this situation? Buy her a shot!
I had enough sense to halt any sexual favors with the Goodyear Blimp but I have now reached the Phase of “…….� I need to go home! Home is just a short bus ride home right? But not short enough when you have reached Phase 5! When I left Hemingway’s, I had the urge to piss, so instead of going back in the bar, I piss on the side of the Pitt Union, great choice! I pissed on the door handle, cause why not? Nothing like giving somebody a good pair of Urine hands in the morning, ey gabla? I couldn’t read what bus was what, so I get on the first bus….well, wrong fucking bus! I decided to ride this out cause it was so damn cold I needed to thaw out. I get off in East Liberty (One of Pittsburgh’s finest ghetto’s) and walk home to Shadyside, about a mile walk. Takes me an damn hour to stumble home in 17 degree weather. Will this Friday be as good?…we’ll see
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haha, thats awesome pimptile. Killer post, at least you didnt puke and wakr your mom up. that is a much more “difficult” situation. keep it real jabroni