Been floating around the net for a while. Freaking hilarious prank, although I’m still not convinced its real…I mean wouldn’t YOU wake up from all that? I know I would…
So, I’m sure the absence of initials has plagued many loyal BpBc fans as of late. Questions like “Where is Mr. P.?” or “Why can’t I be his baby’s momma?” have been posed, and I am here to answer. While you desk jockeys have been slaving away at work (like I am otherwise), I have been traveling the world abroad and experiencing things men dream about and things you wouldn’t even imagine (Disclaimer: I only traveled to Munich, Germany for 3 nights). Either way, it was during the last weekend of this little celebration they have over there called Oktoberfest. Ever heard of it? But thankfully, I have come back more knowledgeable, more refined, and a little drunk. So therefore, I think I am now qualified to give you some knowledge squeezed from my brain juice on how to properly enjoy Oktoberfest. Enjoy!
I know, the usual onslaught of initials that regularly guarantee goodness isn’t in the title, but some things are better left to stand on their own. Like alcohol. And the superpowers that it makes people think they have, but not really. So enjoy.
Invisibility
The best drunk is one that denies anything and everything.
“I’m not drunk, I’m fine.”
“No, I didn’t spill that drink.”
“No, YOU got that hooker pregnant.”
Ok, I’ll admit it. Some things men do when drunk aren’t the smartest ideas whether it’s riding down a flight of stairs on top of another person, or housing multiple “Pat’s Cheesesteaks” only to puke it up 1 hour later, or sending those late night text messages to that lucky someone when you probably shouldn’t… Well, you get my drift.
However, the following video takes the cake for drunken male stupidity. I coulda sworn this guy was going to lose his face.
But hey, it’s worth it for his 2 days of CollegeHumor fame, right?
Morons.
So there are all kinds of drunks in the world, that’s a given. Some people like to fight, others don’t stop talking and some puke all over the place (read Toogar). I would like to take a moment to poll BpBc readers and see what kind of drunk you are, but with a catch. I don’t want to know what kind of “real world” drunk you are in the, but rather what kind of “digital drunk”.
A quick list of choices:
The Instant Messenger - This person gets back from boozing, hits the fridge for leftover dinner and starts checking their buddy list for non idling friends. They will often be too drunk to read people’s screen names, so they will randomly click and check away messages. The IMs they send out look like a wild combination of drunken thoughts and mashed up keyboard keys:
“Heyyy. Du2de Im’ sodrunk jl2; haha no s2eriouslly fiuck you. U Lokve Yoiu”.
The Facebook Friender / Poker / Messenger - This is one of my favorites, but rare to witness. This person stumbles home, pulls up facebook.com and starts incessantly poking any and all attractive girls that they randomly come across while clicking through random pictures. Because, let’s be honest - if they poke back, you can probably get laid, right?
Or these people start browsing profiles from high school classmates. They will decide it’s a good idea to post on someone’s wall who they haven’t talked to since high school (and it wasn’t much talk then).
It’s hard to witness this phenomenon because these people usually delete their messages the morning after leaving no trace of their drunken wreckage.
The Drunk Dialer - The classic. This one has a few drinks in them and they are feeling good. So good that they decide to call you know who for some you know what. They only problem is that they can’t form coherent sentences. Slurs and grunts can only get you so far. Even if they COULD secure a booty call, there’s no way for them to get there. A lost cause they regret in the morning.
The Drunk Texter - This one is my biggest downfalls lately. This person is at the bar, 6 beers deep, and decides to pull out the ole’ motorola razr. It takes 10 minutes to type a 2 sentence message with the mini keypad / keyboard hybrid. Then there are the bars with no service (at least those I go to), so when they leave…20 messages are all sent at once making the person look mad creepy. It’s always fun piecing together the previous night when there is a trail of text messages to follow.
I am sure there are bunch more I am missing. Sadly, I fall into all of these categories and I am sure some BpBc readers have fallen victim to my drunken rage. Eh? Eh?
Here is a top 10 list of alcoholic drinks and shots that you should avoid at all costs. They usually induce my puke reflex and force me to use every muscle in my body to chew it back, garth. So take note of the drinks you should either stay away from or buy for your friend on their 21st birthday.
So there you have it. Buy your friends these shots, but avoid them at all costs. Don’t say I didn’t warn you…
