So with all the Spice Girl Tour gayness finally dying down, I think it’s a good time to put 3 of the hoebags to the FMK test. The hard part is picking which 3 since they all kinda blow, but we’ll go with Posh Spice aka Balloon Tits Spice, Sporty Spice aka Sweet Bangs Spice, and Scary Spice aka Black Spice (some clever reference to Eddie Murphy’s illegitimate kid wouldn’t fit on the picture).
So, who would you F*ck, who would you Marry, and who would you Kill?
Personally, I am going to cheat and kill all three. Maybe I’d F posh first, just to see her fake boobs not bounce around (nom nom nom), then I’d kill her. I hate the Spice Girls with an intense passion.
Ahhh the Golden Girls. A timeless classic for all middle aged women alike. This may prove to be the hardest FMK of all time as I wouldn’t want to crack open any of these women. I guess if I absolutely HAD TO, it would play out like this:
Kill - Tall, Deep Voice, somewhat of a bitch…the choice is easy. Dorothy gets the AX!
Marry - A very sweet and innocent lady. Rose seems to be the most fit for marriage. I could see her staying home during the day, taking care of the house and such. Plus, I’m pretty sure I could swing a mistress and not get caught. Count it.
F*ck - Blanche seems to be the most experimental and promiscuous of the girls. Check out this condom scene below. You KNOW she can work it all night long.
I am not sure why “Grey’s” is such a popular show. To me, it’s just another hospital show with stupid drama going on between the employees. I also don’t understand why every freaking girl I know calls it “Grey’s” instead of the actual name (Grey’s Anatomy). Not to mention all of the god damn quotes I see from that show as if every episode is a life lesson. BLAH.
Getting to the point…
I’d fuck the red head. She has that tear-you-up-in-bed-cougar thing going on with all her experience.
I’d kill Heigl (on the right). She made some comments a few weeks about her role in “Knocked Up” and how it was belittling to women or some shit. I dunno, she just seems like a bitch.
I’d marry Grey (on the left). I love her. She’s gorgeous…and blonde. Plus I feel like she could squeeze out 3+ kids and not gain that baby weight every husband dreads.
It’s been some time since our last FMK. If you missed it, or don’t remember it, you can check it here: The Brat Pack.
This week’s FMK is all about the ladies of contemporary cartoon fame. I’m talking about Lois from Family Guy, Marge from The Simpsons and Leela from Futurama.
Im gonna have to marry Lois. I would love to hit that night after night and she seems more than willing. I’d F Marge. She can look damn sexy when she tries, but I think she would get real annoying after awhile. Leela gets the axe. While she is also hot, she gets on my nerves.
We haven’t done a FMK in a while so I figured today would be a good day to bust it out. I am not sure if they are actually called the brat pack, but I think it fits them perfectly. I see their names on every celebrity blog I read so I can’t help to wonder which I would F, marry and kill. Here they are:
Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Ritchie, Paris Hilton.
While I would like to kill all of them, that’s not how the game works.
I would like to bone Lindsay Lohan (those tatties get me every time), but then I would have to marry Nicole Ritchie, which is a no go. The only remaining option is to take one for the team and F Ritchie. Then I could marry Lohan and bang her for the rest of my life. It’s one of those “lesser of two evils” scenarios that keep me tossing and turning at night.
So this weekend I went out boozing for my 24th birthday. Yea I’m getting old, I know. So much of my Saturday was spent battling a wicked hangover and watching…Mean Girls. So I figure I’d dedicate this FMK to those sexy bitches. If you missed last weeks, I got it right here for ya: Fuck Marry Kill - Philly Sports Mascots
Who would you Fuck, Marry and Kill out of these three:
1. Regina George ( Rachel McAdams )
2. Gretchen Wieners ( Lacey Chabert )
3. Karen Smith ( Amanda Seyfried )
Ok this is a tough one. I would probably F the ba-jesus out of Karen Smith. Small blonde with big breasts? Yes please (I am really not this shallow).
I would marry Gretchen Wieners as I think she is a sexy vixxen (and in an upcoming maxim? YOU KNOW IT! ). She also looks like she would age well.
I would kill Regina George. While I would marry and bone Rachel McAdams, her character in the movie was just too much of a bitch for me to handle. Plus when she gained weight, yea that’s how she’d look after kids. Did I mention I’m not shallow at all?
This week’s FMK is based around Philly’s finest mascots: The Phanatic, Swoop, and Hip Hop (which cracks me up that the “g-thug basketball rabbit” is called hip hop. So much stereotyping floating around that one, it’s better to just stay away).
So let’s see here. I guess I would kill Swoop as he intimidates the F outta me. Can’t have that.
I would bang Hip-Hop because he thinks he is so badass with his glasses, neckband and all. He needs to be put in his place, for sure.
I would marry the Phanatic. This is a no-brainer. He would keep you laughing for the rest of your life. It’s all about the long term investment. Take a look at his mom, you know he is going to age well (a test I apply to all of my women…jk).
Plus, have you ever seen his tongue? That thing could probably work some magic. Interpret that as you like.
