F*ck, Marry, Kill - 80’s Cartoon Babe Edish

Today’s F*ck, Marry, Kill comes from guest writer Jon from over at DoubleDumbassOnYou. Last week’s FMK can be found here: Boys Of Full House

You know the drill by now, here is your latest panel of beauties for your
discussion:

• April O’Neil from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
• Scarlet from GI Joe
• Cheetara from Thundercats

Jon’s Take:

I would kill April O’Neil.  That yellow jumpsuit got on my nerves, and
she was only a reporter … not very exciting.  She had poor choice in
friends: 4 Turtles & a Rat.  She talked far too much and always got
kidnapped by Krang or Baxter Stockman.

I would fuck Cheetara.  I mean who hasn’t?  She was the only female
Thundercat on Third Earth.  You can’t tell me that Panthro or Tigra didn’t
throw it to her at least once or twice.  What’s one more?

I would marry Scarlet.  Counter Intelligence Operative, Martial Arts
Expert, and she had Best Military Issue Uniform EVER.  Besides, I have
always had a thing for redheads.  I think once you get past the hundreds of
people she had murdered there could really be a connection there. 

Ladies and gentlemen, what say you?

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F*ck Marry Kill - Danny Tanner, Joey Gladstone, Jesse Katsopolis

Well one of our female readers has been voicing out on the BpBc comment board and we can’t have that. So it seems I have to do a FMK for the vaginal readers. Here you go, ladies (aka Britt Graber).

Who would you Fuck, Marry, and Kill?

1. Danny Tanner
2. Joey Gladstone
3. Jesse Katsopolis

I think I would kill Joey. He wasn’t that funny and I am pretty sure he stole the “Cut IT Out” bit off of me. I’ve been rocking that shit since the second grade.

I would marry Danny as he is a good house cleaner. You can bet I won’t get caught talking bad about him during spring cleaning. We ALLLL know how that goes.

I would F the hell out of Uncle Jesse and his Oh-So-Perfect hair. Can you blame me?

Ok that was awkward enough to type. Now I have to proofread it. UGH

Happy Britt?

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F*ck Marry Kill - Alba’s Ass, Biel’s Ass, Lopez’s Ass

If you missed last week’s FMK you can check it here: F*ck Marry Kill - Sophia Bush, Brittany Snow or Michelle Trachtenberg

This week the battle is between some of the sexiest asses in Hollywood. I am not talking about the actual people, but just their asses. That’s right.

The contestants are: Jessica Alba’s Ass, Jessica Biel’s Ass, and Jennifer Lopez’s Ass.

Alba’s Ass

Biel’s Ass

J’lo’s Ass

This is another tough one for me. I’d like to marry J-Lo’s ass because it would make for a great pillow and sleep is all I think about anymore. But I am afraid that I am going to have to stab that ass and deflate it.

I would fuck Biel’s ass multiple times. She seems like a bitch so I don’t think I would want to deal with it for that long, just have my way with it.

Alba’s booty is my obsession. I have the latina heat I guess. Plus she appeals to my inner nerd. I would marry that shit in a heartbeat. SEXYYYYYY.

So there you have it.

Now tell me why I am wrong, “You know who”. Ya bastard.

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F*ck, Marry, Kill - Sophia Bush, Brittany Snow, Michelle Trachtenberg

Time for another F*ck, Marry, Kill scenario. If you missed the last one, you can check it here: F*ck, Marry, Kill - Girls Of LOST

This week’s battle is between some sexy ladies:

1. Sophia Bush

2. Brittany Snow

3. Michelle Trachtenberg

Ok so I just threw Trachtenberg in there so I would have someone to kill. She is overrated and I don’t even CONSIDER her in the same league as my Princess Sophia (dan brown reference) and my sexy Brittany.

I would F* Sophia Bush all night long because she seems like she would be a freak - not that I have anything to base that on. I’d just like to think that. I would marry Brittany Snow as she has an innocent look; a “wife material” feel, if you will. I wonder how she’ll look at 50.

Trachtenberg can go jump off a cliff.

Agree to disagree?

For the record, I’m not really this shallow…only when it comes to BpBc…then my “you know who” does most of the thinking.

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F*ck, Marry, Kill - Girls Of LOST

This week’s F*ck, Marry, Kill is between the girls of LOST: Kate, Claire and Juliet (Doctor leader lady from the OTHERS) . Who would you “F*ck”, who would you “Marry”, and who would you “Kill”? You should also justify each of your choices. If you missed last weeks FMK, you can check it: Kelly Kapowski, Jessie Spano, or Lisa Turtle

This one is tough for me as I would like to F them all, but that’s just not the name of the game. So I would have to say that I would marry Claire. She had a kid and STILL looks that good? Christ, let’s have 5 kids. I would F Kate because she is a goddess. I couldn’t marry her because we all know how she is with commitment, always running from her men. Juliet would get the knife. She plays mind games and that shit doesn’t flush with me. Ching, SPLAT!

Who would you F*ck, Marry, Kill?

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F*ck, Marry, Kill - Kelly Kapowski, Jessie Spano, or Lisa Turtle

This week’s F*ck, Marry, Kill is between the bayside girls: Kelly Kapowski, Jessie Spano, and Lisa Turtle. Who would you “F*ck”, who would you “Marry”, and who would you “Kill”. You should also justify each of your choices. If you missed last weeks FMK, you can check it: Rosie, Oprah, Or Streisand

Personally, I would obviously marry Kapowski. She got hotter in her later years. I would F*ck Lisa because I bet she is a freak in bed, but it would get old fast. Spano, I think most would kill her. She had nothing going for her but a wicked caffeine pill addiction.

Here are the girls in all their glory. Check out their killer dance scene and then Jessies “I’m so excited, I’m so excited, I’m so …. scarrrred” oscar worthy performance. Damn caffeine pills.

Who would you FMK?

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F*ck Marry Kill - Rosie, Oprah, Or Streisand

It was suggested that I do a weekly F*ck, Marry, Kill on BpBc for debate. For those of you who aren’t familiar with “FMK”, it basically works like this: You are given three choices. You must decide which you would “F*ck”, which you would “Marry”, and which you would “Kill”. You should also justify each of your choices.

A lot of these are going to be “female oriented”, since I am a guy. I will try not to forget about our female readers and will do some alternate “F, M, K” from time to time.

That’s it really, so without further ado, here is this weeks “FMK”.

Who would you F*ck, Marry, and Kill?

1. Oprah
2. Rosie O’donnell (think of that nip/tuck episode…woof)
3. Barbra Streisand

I know these are hard choices, but do your best.

I would probably “F*ck” Barbra Streisand since she seemed to know all the moves in Meet The Fockers. I would “Marry” Oprah for all of her money and power. I would “Kill” Rosie cause I hate that b*tch. I would also take out the other cast members of The View, with the exception of Hasselbeck’s wife. She’s fine.

What about you? Leave ‘em in the comments.

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