Been floating around the net for a while. Freaking hilarious prank, although I’m still not convinced its real…I mean wouldn’t YOU wake up from all that? I know I would…
So, I’m sure the absence of initials has plagued many loyal BpBc fans as of late. Questions like “Where is Mr. P.?” or “Why can’t I be his baby’s momma?” have been posed, and I am here to answer. While you desk jockeys have been slaving away at work (like I am otherwise), I have been traveling the world abroad and experiencing things men dream about and things you wouldn’t even imagine (Disclaimer: I only traveled to Munich, Germany for 3 nights). Either way, it was during the last weekend of this little celebration they have over there called Oktoberfest. Ever heard of it? But thankfully, I have come back more knowledgeable, more refined, and a little drunk. So therefore, I think I am now qualified to give you some knowledge squeezed from my brain juice on how to properly enjoy Oktoberfest. Enjoy!
I was at football practice being my usual studly self, pancake blocking underclassmen, knocking them over, you know, being a tough guy, when my coach started yelling at me because I knocked the wrong freshman over.
Apparently I ran the wrong way and screwed up the play. Most times when this happens I heard something like “I Swear to God, you’re the dumbest smart kid I know!” or “You’ve gone plum crazy!” (one of favorites) But that day, coach was in a bad mood and it was my fault.
“I swear god God, my wife hates you because you keep me up at night wondering how you’re going to screw up the next day!”
Ouch. I remember thinking “why does he have to bring his wife into this? I’ve never even met her.” Fortunately, I was not on the receiving end of his worst comment: “Bulldog, you’re so stupid sometimes I think you’re retarded.
God I miss football.
Clare sent me this link the other day of this cute ass puppy falling asleep. As soon as I saw it, I had flashbacks to my college years. I thought of every time some drunk person was overly intoxicated and starting to pass out with their shoes on. Everyone in the room is staring at them, waiting for the chance to draw the first penis across their face. Then the person randomly wakes up and everyone looks away, pretending to not notice. Once they are out, everyone takes a turn with the artwork…You know what i’m talking about. Good times.
For anyone that knows my brother, they know that he can often be a sloppy drunk. This exchange between us the other day is a perfect example:
(I am ExcapeFromReason and my brother is ShugosoBYOB)
shugosoBYOB: SOOOOO i got super wasted, and decided i needed to leave this girl’s place i was at (some gal i was hooking up with). So at 4 or 5 am, i run errr trot home naked. buck ass naked with only a hand towel to cover up. I stubbed my toe on the way, it was bleeeding like crazy
ExcapeFromReason: ass naked?
shugosoBYOB: yea.
ExcapeFromReason: you left your shit there?
ExcapeFromReason: hahaha how far?
shugosoBYOB: yea
shugosoBYOB: 20 minute walk
ExcapeFromReason: HAHAHAHA
shugosoBYOB: so….12 minute trot
ExcapeFromReason: anyone see you?
shugosoBYOB: my toe was bleeding everywhere
shugosoBYOB: i dunno man, i was so fucked up
shugosoBYOB: probably.
ExcapeFromReason: aw man
ExcapeFromReason: howd you remember all this?
ExcapeFromReason: thats insane
shugosoBYOB: i dunno man, i remember running home thats all
shugosoBYOB: i think i like peeed on the floor in the bathroom or something
shugosoBYOB: and decided it was too embarrasssing to hang around for
shugosoBYOB: and like ed and all these people were calling the police
shugosoBYOB: cuz they only knew i was naked and they couldnt find me
shugosoBYOB: so eventually jared let me in their place and i slept there
ExcapeFromReason: hilarious
Auto response from shugosoBYOB: i drink way too much.
ExcapeFromReason: they called the police?
shugosoBYOB: i didnt
ExcapeFromReason: and you peed all over this girls floor?
shugosoBYOB: ed did
ExcapeFromReason: so now you have to go back and get your shit still at the house where you peed on her floor?
ExcapeFromReason: wow
shugosoBYOB: nah they brought my shit back?
shugosoBYOB: apparently
ExcapeFromReason: haha wow
ExcapeFromReason: you hungover?
shugosoBYOB: yea i g.g
shugosoBYOB: haha yeaa
ExcapeFromReason: Later
So apparently he pee’d on some girls floor and decided he didn’t want to be around for the aftermath so he trotted home at 5am naked, only to find himself locked out. Makes me excited for boozing this summer =).
I did a post some time ago about some drunken voicemails he left me. You can listen to them here:
Tim’s Voicemail 1
Tim’s Voicemail 2
Tim’s Voicemail 3
Tim’s Voicemail 4
Tim’s Voicemail 5
Tim’s Voicemail 6
And for good measure, i’ll throw in a gem Donny left.
I hope someone reading this remembers the 1989 hit movie called “The Wizard” starring Freddy Savage. It is one of my favorite childhood movies. If you haven’t seen it, I HIGHLY recommend you purchase it on Amazon. It’s like 10 bucks or to put it in “Immordino terms”, it’s about 3 Miller Lites. That’s a damn good price to take a trip damn memory lane.
The scene where they bust out the Power Glove is absolutely hilarious. What a joke that thing was. I could never get the “sensors” to mount right on my TV. The only game I ever had moderate success with the Power Glove was Mike Tyson’s Punchout and even then I could only make it to Piston Honda 1. What was up with that crazy keyboard pad on the wrist? Did anyone actually use that for a game? If so, let me know in the comments because I could never find a use for it. Anyway, check out this clip from the movie where the Power Glove is unveiled. I have no idea why they would play a racing game, but whatever.
Listen to Lucas at the very end: “I love the Power Glove. It’s so BAD“. HAHA.
Ahh and the tournament scene finale. If you are going to watch the movie in it’s entirety, don’t play this clip as it will give away the predictable ending.
How the fuck did he know to fly up the random wall to find the flute? He is teh l33t.
Anyway, Great Movie.
Real quick, random trivia: The girl that is traveling around with the boys grows up to be the lead singer of the indie band Rilo Kiley. I am a big fan of the band and this makes them rock that much harder. Plus, their guitarist is the one of the kid’s from Salute Your Shorts (half way down the page). SO much celebrity stardom in that band, you know they gotta be good.
The Wizard. Buy It. Love It. Do It.
A few weeks ago I wrote about the Ring Of Disappointment. Basically, the Ring Of Disappointment is my name for an engagement ring or a wedding ring.
Anyway, last Satuday night a bunch of the guys and myself went out to some bar called JB’s. It was pretty lame and being the DD for the night didn’t help matters. About an hour or two into the night these 3 fine ass blondes stroll in, completely out of place, while I am at the bar buying the next pitcher of Bud Light. They sit next to our table.
I come back with the beer and the boys inform me that the hottest of the three just gave me the “up and down eye f*ck”.
Of course I respond casually and not suprised, “They all do that guys, nothing new there. What can I say, I got what it takes.” When really I am thinking “Holy shit! A hot girl checked me out? No way. She is probably l-o-a-d-e-d. I wonder how her boobs look? Do I really have a chance with her?”
I wait for things to settle and we continue drinking. I slowly and nonchalantly turn my head to check this girl out. She IS damn sexy. OK Dan, OK. Easy does it.
As I am oggling her tatties, she reaches for her glass and takes a drink. A flash blinds my eyes. WTF was that? I’ll tell you what - a God damn ring on her left hand. Figures.
I lose all hope of having a chance and I relinquish back to my good friend Bud Light, who is always there for me.
Ring - 928342
Dan - 0
