Ahh the 90’s. What a great time to be a teenager. It was a period in my life where great change occurred. I went from “eww girls are gross” to “I wonder what she looks like naked”. These hormonal urgencies were fueled further courtesy of a certain TV station, Nickelodeon. I have decided to throw together an homage to the Nickelodeon hotties that got me through those awkward years of random bonerage and female exploration.
Moe From GUTS - Sexy accent? Check. On a great show? Check. Banging Mike O’Malley during the commercial breaks? Check. I’m pretty sure Moe was the whole package. 
AYAOTD Blonde Girl - aka Rachel Blanchard. For some reason whenever I think of the Are You Afraid Of The Dark “storytellers”, this girl comes to mind. I had no idea what her name was, so I google’d “AYAOTD Blonde Girl” and found some interesting stuff. Apparently it’s the same girl that played Cher on the TV series Clueless. Talk about blossoming. I knew she was going to be hot, even at a young age. It’s all about the long term investments. 
Annie Mack - Apparently she has a real name of Meredith Bishop and is in some other stuff, but to me she will always be older sister Annie. Smart, Logical and SEXY!
Jewel Staite - from the short lived series Space Cases. She always intrigued me (aka gave me a boner) as a kid. It must have been the hair…Check out the goods now. Dayummm.
Melody From Hey Dude - Melody was a little before my time. I think I was still in the “girls have cooties” phase…oh wait, I might still be in that phase…Anyway, she was hot then and she is even more bangable now (She plays “Kate” in Dodgeball). Friggin’ Ben Stiller gets to hit that every night, that lucky SOB.
Patty Mayonnaise - Probably one of the sexiest cartoon babes that wasn’t a Disney character. God it feels creepy typing that sentence. She was the yin to Doug’s yang and I hated him for it. Blonde hair, killer tan, incredible fashion sense…what guy could resist her????
Melissa Joan Hart - Look at that picture? What teenage male wouldn’t be digging on Clarissa? Look at those hips. Her biggest downfall was that she seemed to be high maintenance…I mean making Sam use a ladder to get up there? Poor guy.
Summer Sanders - Oh Summer, how I loved thee. You played with little kids who stupid talents like making fart noises with their armpits. But that stupid show didn’t stop me from developing an unhealthy obsession of one day possibly seeing you naked. I’m still waiting for photos to surface
Amanda Bynes - I’ll admit. As a kid, Amanda Bynes was not only mediocre in appearance, but she was annoying as all hell. That skit “Ask Amanda” made me want to blow my brains out. Then the boobs popped out and little Amanda became the guilty pleasure of many men (who couldn’t talk about it until she turned 18… I meannnnnnn…). Plus she really is a very talented actress…She’s The Man, anyone?
Larissa Oleynik - Alex Mack was the “It” girl of the early SNICK years. She was the total package: An arsenal of super powers, a nice rack and a certain disregard for authority. It’s a shame she fell off the face of the Earth after that one movie she did. Maybe she turned to porn? Wishful thinking I suppose…
So there you have it. 10 Nickelodeon hotties from the 90’s ranked and explained. I am sure some of you may disagree with the choices so please share your thoughts in the comments. Maybe there will be enough for a Part 2…
Check Out:
• BpBc Throwback Edition• Top 10 Female Hotties Of TGIF Fame
• I miss my fatass cat
5. Tale of the Twisted Claw - This EP popped my AYAOTD cherry. I remember watching this sometime around Halloween, which made it even scarier. Every wish they made with the claw would turn out bad. I bet they won’t mess with that witch’s house next mischief night.
4. Tale of Jake and the Leprechaun - This one is lesser known it seems. The jist of this one was a kid was casted for this play and tricked into giving his life away. His character recites some words, which turns him into a frog. The other actor (who is really a warlock) then takes tries to take his life, but it thwarted by this leprechaun dude. It rocks.
3. Tale of the Phantom Cab - Dr. Vink (with a vuh vuh vuh) debuted in this one. They had to figure out the cab driver’s riddle in order to escape the car crash and the forest. Remember the riddle?: It’s weightless. It can bee seen by the nakd eye. When it’s put in a barrel, it makes it lighter?
2. Tale of Laughing in the Dark - Ok, no clown creeps me out more than Zeebo and his many cigars. This might be the scariest AYAOTD that they made. I don’t care how tough you think you are, no one should F with that clown’s nose.
1. Tale of the Pinball Wizard - My Favorite AYAOTD episode. I often fantasize about breaking into my local mall and recreating the show (sigh). It would be badass to be part of a pinball game in the mall where I couldn’t die, but not at end though, when the ball comes out. That shit looked scary. How bout when the kid pulls out the super soaker mini and zaps the king away. I didn’t see that one coming!
It’s a shame that some people do not know of the gameshow legend that is Mike O’Malley. He has blessed classic gameshows like “Get The Picture” and “GUTS” with his relentless enthusiasm and hilarious “one liner’s”. O’Malley also paved the way for future gameshow legends such as Louis Anderson and Al Borland from the Family Feud. 
Mike got his start in the early 90’s when he hosted the hit gameshow “Get The Picture”. His ability to embarrass the kid contestants who answered the simplest of questions incorrectly added a level of humor that had yet to be realized on any other gameshow. Nothing topped his “POWERRRRR SURGEEEEEEE” reaction whenever a contestant landed on the power surge square. He even managed to drop the F-bomb in one episode.
Unfortunately, the show was cancelled in it’s third year, but the folks at Nickelodeon were not going to let a TV rockstar like O’Malley escape. With that, the greatest sports gameshow was born. GUTS boosted O’Malley’s status to international fame as the show was broadcasted across the globe. Kids were heard reciting his tagline “Let’s go to Mo’ for the results, MO!” in every part of the world. My personal favorite was his nickname, “The Radical Rock”, for the AgroCrag. The show had a good run, but was ultimately cancelled.
