I Was A Smoking Hot Chick For An Hour

I was at the gym the other night and a weird thing happened to me. For a brief hour, I knew what it felt like to be a smoking hot chick. I know that sounds strange, but it’s true. Here is how it all went down…

I get to the gym, do my normal workout and end it with a run on the tredmill. Normally I just run outside, but it’s too damn cold out for that in the winter. So about 25 minutes into my run a steady stream of sweat starts through my shirt and my breaths become gasps. The gym is packed by this point leaving only two tredmills open and they happen to be on each side of me.

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Kid’s Gettin High Off Of Jenkem (Made From Human Waste!)

So it seems kids out there have found a new way to get high - a drug called Jenkem. I saw this report over on the smoking gun. Basically, you crap in a jar and put a balloon over the mouth piece. You put the jar out in the sun for a few hours and the gas that comes off the poop is caught in the balloon. You then inhale the fumes and VOILA! Let the good times roll…I guess.

Check out the image for more details.

So let me get this straight. Kids are basically inhaling their feces. Why not just poop in a cup and eat it? According to the report, the taste can last in your mouth for days?! Are you kidding me? Shitbreath for a few days? No Thanks.

I wonder who the first person was to think “Hrrmm, maybe if I breath in my own crap, I might see wacky stuff”.

I’ll stick to booze for my jollies.

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5 Reasons Why I Hate Bathroom Attendants

So this past Friday I went down to a bar in Philly. It was a good time, but not really my scene. Anyway, 2 beers into the night I went into the bathroom to take care of business when I was greeted by a fresh-off-the-street bathroom attendant. For those of you that know me, I am a pretty laid back person, but there are certain things that really piss me off and bathroom attendants are on the list.

Here’s why.

5. They often make pointless conversation with you in hopes of making a buck. I know all about bullshitting with people, I do it all day. The last thing I want is to have to deal with another “salesman” while I’m trying to get my pee on.

4. They make an already somewhat awkward situation even worse. If I am in there alone, all I can think about is how I am going to get out of there without tipping the guy. Plus, the fact that he is probably staring at me while I’m peeing. Yea no thanks.

3. They make me want to skip washing my hands so I can avoid the attendant. I’ll try to run out of there so I don’t feel so bad about not giving him a dollar for tearing off a paper towel. Then I have dirty hands AND a guilty conscience.

2. The line of guys in the bathroom (and there always is one) will watch you try to either sneak out without washing your hands or sneak out without tipping. Either way you are an asshole.

1. I am already paying a 5 dollar cover, 9 bucks for a Car Bomb, 4 dollars for a beer plus tips for the bartender. There is no need for me to spend MORE money for some idiot to give me a hand towel.

So yea, I have beef with bathroom attendants. Do women have the same thing in their place of business?

I think Michael Scott said it best in last week’s Ep with, “I thought you want your privacy in there?”

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When Is The Government TOO Involved?

I’ll preface this with a quick apology for those of you who are looking for a funny video or a quick read. I usually don’t write long, more serious stuff but business is slow today. Word.

So the Government passed a law in Philadelphia some time ago which prohibits people from smoking in common public places such as bars. Being a non-smoker, I love this law since I can still pass out on my kitchen floor and wake up the next morning with a solid hangover and cotton mouth, but now my clothes don’t reek of stale cigarettes. That’s the worst part of the next morning, smelling the smoke. Plus, when I pick up women at the bar, which is every weekend, their hair retains that desirable Pert Plus smell. It’s a win win.
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