While I can’t speak for every guy in the world, I can speak of my past experiences and then claim them as every man’s experience. Drunk text messaging causes way more bad than it does good, unless you do it right.
Some time ago I went out with my buddy Dif to some bar. While I was playing bar songs that would get me laid, he was talking to some chick and scored a number. On the way back (I was driving) he went into this 20 minute description on how to craft the perfect text message and 20 minutes later he sent that sucker off. While I’m not sure how it turned out, I can bet it was a better than what I normally get:
“You are drunk, go to bed”.
Let’s rewind a few years to when I was at PITT.
I used to be good - Realll Good. Or maybe the girls were just drunk - Realll Drunk. Regardless, in my hayday (read college years), I was a James Bond of text messaging and my Nokia 9150 was my weapon of choice. I was untouchable. I could literally have a girls shirt off in 2 texts, sometimes less. Guys lined up to learn my ways. I guess you could say I was the HITCH of text messages. I knew what girls wanted to hear. Yea we’ll go with that.
But that was 2 years ago. Nowadays, like a washed up Brett Favre, I have lost my talent. My fingers now mash together two - sometimes three - buttons at a time, I send prematurely, and I’ve even been known to text the wrong person. Like Favre, I am not ready to let go just yet of my reign just yet, regardless of how much bad it does. I know that somewhere deep down I still got it and if I perform for just one night, it’s worth any and all the failures.
The truth is that I am still living in college land where your room was so close to everyone else that there was a good chance of meeting up with someone late into the night and getting some. Drunk Dan forgets that now you have to actually DRIVE to someones house and that usually doesn’t work - unless your DD is willing to drive you and pick you up…Stupid Drunk Dan.
So my advice to the men who make the same drunken mistakes that I do week in and week out: Don’t send drunken texts unless you are ready for the consequences in the AM.
Godspeed.
Check Out:
• Male Intelligence At It’s Finest• What Kind Of Digital Drunk Are You???
• Mr. P’s Guide on How to Out-Smart Women
i think this is my favorite post of all. being that i have been a victim of drunk text messages. but i never said “you’re drunk, go to bed” if a girls smart, roll with it and then after haggling the drunk guy for about a half hour or so, then let him down easy and tell him you’re off to bed yourself. works every time girls. dan, sound familiar? haha.
something like that
no hard feelings. you know i’m just kidding.
Hey bernie just to let ya know Dakota Fanning is working on a movie where she gets raped. Add that to the spank-bank hiii-oohhhhh!! (straight to hell, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars)