E-Mail To My Roommate’s Professor

OK, here’s the deal. Last night, my roommate and our neighbors got absolutely hammered when we got back from the UConn/Syracuse game. My roommate Mike had one of “those” nights: he puked everywhere, fell down a flight of steps, passed out in our front yard until the cold woke him up, etc. Anyway, he missed his huge physics exam at 9am this morning. He is pretty sure that he won’t be able to make up the exam, so I volunteered to write an email to his professor, seeing as how he really has nothing to lose. Here it is.

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Michael K Auperen
To: dmarie@phys.uconn.edu
Date: Thu, 09 Feb 2006 13:34:24 -0500
Subject: Why I missed the exam this morning

Professor Marie,

I’m sorry I missed my exam this morning. According to your syllabus, “students will not be permitted to make-up exams unless a valid excuse (medical excuse, jury duty, et al) is provided.” I’m not going to lie, I don’t have a “valid” excuse, but an excuse nonetheless.

Last night, around 2:00 am, I was upstairs in my neighbors apartment, and decided to go downstairs to my place and finish studying for the exam and then go to bed. Unfortunately, I fell down the entire flight of stairs headfirst, got up, and began throwing up all over our front yard. My roommate thought I had broken my arm. (”Valid medical excuse”?)

This may be because I was severely drunk, or it could have been I was so excited to study that I lost my balance and fell; it’s hard to tell. Being a huge UConn basketball fan, I went to the game in order to break up the monotony of an eight-hour astronomy study session. However, I got quite drunk during the game in an act of youthful defiance against the evil Syracuse Orangemen, and continued the drinking with my neighbors when I got home. I fell asleep after the mysterious, not-at-all-drink-related vomiting occurred and slept right through my alarm clock. Literally. I fell on it.

My arm is pretty sore though, and I’m sure if I felt well enough to go to the doctor’s he would give me a note saying that I have at least some light-to-medium bone bruises.

I hope you understand. I didn’t want to give you the standard “oh my god I’m so sorry I overslept and I’m so sorry, this never happens, please let me retake the test” excuse that you probably get many times a semester. I just wanted to be honest with you - I screwed up, and hopefully I can retake the test in the future.

-Mike Auperen

Check Out: