I was at football practice being my usual studly self, pancake blocking underclassmen, knocking them over, you know, being a tough guy, when my coach started yelling at me because I knocked the wrong freshman over.
Apparently I ran the wrong way and screwed up the play. Most times when this happens I heard something like “I Swear to God, you’re the dumbest smart kid I know!” or “You’ve gone plum crazy!” (one of favorites) But that day, coach was in a bad mood and it was my fault.
“I swear god God, my wife hates you because you keep me up at night wondering how you’re going to screw up the next day!”
Ouch. I remember thinking “why does he have to bring his wife into this? I’ve never even met her.” Fortunately, I was not on the receiving end of his worst comment: “Bulldog, you’re so stupid sometimes I think you’re retarded.
God I miss football.
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