American Gladiators was one of those shows that shaped my childhood and who I am today - A fierce competitor. During my younger years, we would recreate the “Assault” challenge using nerf guns, balls and other toys as our weapons. Couches, pillow cushions and other household items served as our barriers and shields. Ahh good times.
Recently, I started watching some of the old shows and all I can say is that good God those gladiators are freaking huge. They had to be pumping steroids. Even as a grown man, I could never go one on one with those beasts.
That being said, I have compiled another top 5 list of the most intimidating Male American Gladiators. I separated the men from the women so that I can do a later blurb on the women.
The Top 5 Most Intimidating Male American Gladiators
(in no particular order)
Gemini - Nothing is more intimidating than a gargantuan sized angry black man. I have a feeling that every time he beats a scrawny white contestant into the ground, he exacting revenge for his ancestors.
Laser - This guy had a pretty boy face, but a body that screamed “I am going to beat you over the head with my pole in the Joust Event”. I would NOT want this guy swinging his stick at me head from 3 feet away. Man those last two lines were just LOADED with sexual references, eh? Sickos.
Malibu - Malibu wasn’t the biggest gladiator of them all, that’s for sure. He was supposed to be some sort of surfer dude, but he really just came off as being dumb as an ox. I think that is what intimidates me most about him, his stupidity. Dumb oxes seem to have a higher threshold for pain and never know when to stop. I managed to find a YouTube video of an interview with him. The last thing he says at the end of the interview is classic.
If I had to go up against 1 Gladiator, I would want it to be him…
Titan - Titan was only on the show briefly, so many of you may not remember him. His waist looks pretty average, but his upperbody looks ginormous. He looks like a real life He-Man. And yes, I check out men’s waist / upperbodies?
Turbo - Turbo looks like a nice guy with his flowing black hair and all. Don’t be fooled. He is a MONSTER behind that tennis ball gun. Apparently those things move at 100 mph and with his accuracy there is no escape from the pain of Turbo in the “Assault”
There you have it. These guys clearly all pumped steroids into their body. Either that or they took tons of Nitrix…I hear that my buddy Dif is on that and is looking like a Gladiator…
So what Gladiators did I miss?
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damn, defenitely pushing the sexual boundaries. this reminds me of the movie dodgeball….”lazer, tazer, blazer….and i believe you’ve met my assistant, meshall.”
Lazer is definitely my favorite/pick for most intimidating. At least 75% of those guys were on roids, I’m surprised they never had a roids rage incident. Whats the modern day equivalent of American Gladiators? Pros vs. Joes. Unfortunately they use washed up old athletes instead of meatheads who obviously have no athletic talent.
We must both be psychic. ESPN Classic just started showing American Gladiators reruns this week. If only my cable system carried it.
here’s my post about it:
http://ishouldhaveacallinshow.blogspot.com/2007/04/i-want-myi-want-myi-want-my-american.html
Where the hell is Nitro?
I nkow right, and Tower, and Viper,and Cyclone, and Saber, and Havoc?
steve its “blaze, laser, blazer”
Joe Theisman is the host of american gladiators?! Why did I not remember this? Since he got booted from MNF, can a gladiators reunion be that far off?
hey titan was black. not a white man
This “Titan” looks a lot like pro bodybuilder Bob Cicherillo, featured in many BB magazines.
Nitro (Dan Clark) is on Celebrity Bull Riding on Cmt on Fridays.
what about tower?
NBC is getting into the ring with “American Gladiators,” which has been revived by the Peacock for midseason.
The competition skein — which featured players with names like Nitro, Turbo and Laser in its campy, early ’90s syndie incarnation — will be updated for the 21st century with new technology and twists. MGM TV, which was behind the original hit, is producing along with Reveille.
http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117970702.html?categoryid=14&cs=1
Please let it be all the campy goodness of the old gladiators