This is for all you wrestling Christians. In the over secular world of professional wrestling, UCW pairs quality wrestling action with faith and redemption. I heard about this on the radio the other morning and had to check out the site. Most of the matches pit a good, god fearing wrestler against a sinner. Guess who wins.
At the end of every event, God himself, or Jesus, if God is busy elsewhere, descends to a turnbuckle to judge the combatents. Earning the belt of truth gives a wrestler a pass to heaven. The damned wrestlers suffer under the eternal sleeper hold.
Current heaven go-er “God’s Property Billy Jack” owns the ring with a mighty righteousness. I imagine the play by play announcing would go something like this:
Peter: And this corner, the reigning Truth Champion GOD’s PROPERTY BILLLLLLLLY JACK!
Paul: He’s a crusader alright Peter. Uh-oh, here comes the challenger, this is one of the Champ’s toughest opponents, weighing in at a cool 12ozs its SIN, appearing tonight as a cold can of refreshing Busch Lite.
Peter: Paul this looks like trouble for the Champ, he’s battled this demon many times, more than once needing extensive rehabilitation.
Paul: You got that right Peter. Okay, the match is starting. God’s Property comes out fired up.
Peter: Sin is just sitting there, almost like he’s just testing the Champ. Oh no! Sin is breaking out the big move right away.
Paul: No, oh, No, he’s popping the top. Sin has opened himself up for the Champ. This looks like trouble
Peter: This is bad news for Billy Jack. The Champ runs over to Sin, picks him up and he’s chugging. He is chugging Sin Paul. This is awful. The champ is in trouble.
Paul: I’ll tell you what Peter, if Billy doesn’t get a hold of himself, he’s not passing through the pearly gates anytime soon. Wait, wait, what’s the Champ doing!? He’s spitting out Sin, he’s rejecting sin!
Peter: I knew he could do it! He throws Sin down to the ground! Looks like we are going to see a signature move: The Crusader Crush. YES! God’ Property has stomped sin down into a small, easily recyclable mound.
Paul: That is how you resist temptation folks. Billy Jack once again proves that faith beats all. And here cooooomes GOD!
GOD: Well done my property. Billy, you can be my tag team partner anytime.
In a day and age when there are no more crusades to launch, no more holy land to defend it’s nice to know we can turn to UCW to see the devil get his.
Sly is our newest contributing author on BigPlansBigCrash. Please leave him a comment so he will want to write for us again =)
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I’ve been trying to formulate an adequate response all week, and words have failed me. But I felt the need to post something to encourage the little guy. Way to be, Sly. You’re my #1 contributor in my heart.
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